This has been an interesting last two weeks for me. By interesting, I mean, an up and down struggle at times. I've shared some of the most incredible moments with others, and I've been at very low personal points. I've struggled with depression in the past, and through prayer, the encouragement of my husband, and careful "carrying" of my beloved friends, I've survived it. But it is a CONSTANT struggle to not be brought down.
This morning in my devotions, I read about realizing the "right" and the "wrong" in your life. It encouraged me to remember that God made me the way I was, and the only way I could grow was to realize both of those things about myself. You have to embrace it all.
This past week I had my first anxiety attack, followed by a stress headache, followed by an incredible massage by my new best friend (and he's a real massage therapist- Todd Shore). But now that I look back on how terrible I felt, and how alone I let myself feel... my God was there the entire time. In fact, I gave WAY more time to Him through all that. Then I went camping and fell in love with some of the most amazing people on the planet. I look forward to seeing them (just went to church last night and got some great hugs because of that trip)- and I am ALL about some hugs. I played with my children without the distraction of t.v., cell phone, washing of clothes, or confinement of air conditioning. I am SO thankful for that. I flirted with my husband, who actually flirted back (LOVE those moments, know what I'm saying?) I also put my 17 year old niece back on an airplane to return to her temporary home in Chicago until she finishes out her senior year. She's been my best friend since she was born, and I thought this was going to unravel all I've worked so hard to keep together. I had her for 2 WONDERFUL weeks, but when it came time to tell her goodbye, I wanted to keep her in my arms and not let go. (Chad and I joke that she is our first child) But as I stood in the shower the day she left and bawled my eyes out, I heard God saying, "It's ok.. you have no regrets with the time you've had these weeks, I've been taking care of her the whole time, just trust me" So I did.
Now this week I've tried to continue the focus on my kids, seeing as I go back to school to teach next Thursday. Both of my children are extremely excited about going back to school and seeing their friends, but I'm still on that roller coaster of emotions. I don't WANT my summer to end (and trust me, every other summer, I've been a little ready to return to work). These kids have LOVED their summer. And I've LOVED them.
Anywho, I just hope that you see through my struggles, that we all struggle. I never really understood that until I hung around with other women who opened their hearts and daily struggles to me. I really thought they didn't struggle with things the same way (or depth) that I did. But many of them struggle more! That makes me more thankful for my husband, who, when I tell him how my heart feels about our marriage, he listens, and tries to change. I'm thankful for kids who hugs me daily and tell me how good of a mommy I am. We even share a secret.. we call the other one over to whisper "I love you". I'm thankful for friends who write me notes to tell me I'm the salt of the earth and others who just call to check on me.
This life may be a roller coaster, but thankfully, there's always someone right beside me on this ride :)
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