What A Mighty God We Serve.

Last night was Cross Movement Dance's recital (part 1).  My daughter participated in this program when she was 4 years old and sparkled like a diamond at the performance.  I remember her little "JC" outfit and how adorable she was.  She's asked every year to do it, but because of time restraints, it just didn't work out.  This year, we made it happen!  With an amazing leader of Meredith Worley and her MANY MANY godly minions- last night went off without a hitch (at least that we saw).  I'll be honest... this isn't my cup of tea.  I don't like commitments.  I don't like having to prepare and get things ready.  I don't like having to fix hair and makeup.  I just don't enjoy those types of things.  I enjoy watching OTHERS do that stuff while I praise them with words of affirmation of how effortlessly they do it.  But God told me months ago that this was going to be amazing.  He whispered to me that Haley needed this and they needed her.  As we prepared for this past week of practices and preparations, I began it with prayer.  I had the easy part.  Fix one kid up and get her there in time.  Many circumstances tried to hinder that process, but God is bigger.  He aligned the stars so we could be there.   It was truly beautiful to see so many people be the hands and feet of Christ.  I pray these people never underestimate their impact.  I saw mommies who I don't get to see often who lifted my spirits and reminded me they've been praying for me.  They hugged on me and made me laugh.  They reminded Haley of how precious she is (because I don't tell her NEARLY enough).  They pointed every process of last night towards a proclamation that we serve a mighty God.  I felt calm as I watched my princess dance on the stage.  I was in awe of all the beauties (male and female) who went up there to glorify God.  It was simply breathtaking.  It was more than you or me.. it was about Him.

I woke this morning of news of a young girl who took her last breath last night.  I don't know the circumstances, but I know that I reconnected with a former student last night.  She hugged me and told me she'd love to come see me in my classroom again.  She reminded me that she'll be a sophomore this year.  (I told her there is NO WAY she's already a sophomore).  The first thing that I thought of was my sweet Sarah when I learned of this girl's sudden passing.  She was a freshman.  Sarah is about that age.. this sweet, former student who I JUST SAW.  Life is so short.  Life is so precious.  Since losing my mom, I don't hold back words anymore for how I feel about others.  I throw out a LOT of I love yous.. and I mean them.  I hug a LOT.  I take time to talk to others a LOT.  It's annoying to some.  But I feel like it's part of my mission to God.  To remind others that they ARE loved and worth something.  God reminds me of that all the time.    I don't feel worthy of my blessings.  I have SO much to be thankful for.  I have a little half pound reminder in my belly everyday that God is amazing- because he kicks me constantly and I just don't see HOW there can be a real live baby growing in there.  It truly is a miracle.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 

 

Thank you for every single person who has shown love to me and my family.  Now's let's go spread that love to others.

Things Change... It Just Happens

So I've been trying for at least a year to access this blog.  One.. I forgot about it.  Life got busy.  I was enjoying raising a rambunctious little boy with a big heart and his big sister who brings sunshine to every one she meets.  I was busy being a teacher who's switched schools a few times and loved on many kids.  I've been living life to the fullest.  IN FACT, life has been a little hopping lately.  I mean, THREE years away causes changes.

First of all, I'm still married to the love of my life Chad.  He's pretty great.  He puts up with a lot, but hey, I do too.  We "complete" each other.  We are at Rich Fork Baptist Church where we are continuing to grow as a family to love Christ more and serve Him in ways that He asks us to- even if it means being uncomfortable.  I'll be starting at Southwood Elementary (my alma mater) teaching 5th grade this year.  New adventures are happening.  It's titled "Adventures of Being a Mommy" right?  Couldn't have picked a better blog name.

Coincidentally, on April 1 (April Fool's Day AND my husband's birthday) we found out MORE exciting news.  God has blessed us with one more amazing child... well, he's being created AS I TYPE THIS.  I did say "HE".  We found out this little miracle is a boy last week and I couldn't be happier.  He's healthy and perfect and he's going to complete our family.  We'd always said "If God sees fit.." and He did.  Baby boy's presence fights my body every day to see who will win.  Baby wins most days and my body loses.  It's VERY different to be pregnant at 37 than it was at 27.  I feel 90 years old and I throw up ALL the time.  But guess what?  Baby boy doesn't seem to mind.

Kids reactions:
Tyler: (who wanted a boy)  I am happy (because it's a BOY and I want a baby brother) and nervous (I'm nervous because I don't know what he's going to look like but I'll still love him anyway).
Haley (who wanted a girl)  I am sad (because I wanted it to be a girl) and happy (because Tyler will actually have someone to play with now and I get you all to myself)

Little does she know....

Summer... don't leave me

I am convinced that summer starts one day and essentially ends the next.  I mean, that's how it feels to me.  I barely blink and I'm already starting back to school.  This summer, as it began, I was PRAISING God for the chance to be with my kids.  Haley and Ty were practically skipping through daisies together singing happy songs and loving each other.  Now... NOW, I can barely keep them from ripping each other's throats out.  I told my girlfriend yesterday that I almost wish there was a daycare I could put them in.  Sheesh, when did THAT happen?  Now, this summer has had it's ups too.  We've been to the pool a lot and gotten really attached to two of the lifeguards who treat my kids like they were their own... actually better, because I don't play with my own kids that much.  So Candace and Taylor have made the summer wonderful for those magical hours that we go to the pool.  We also had a beach trip that was GREAT for the kids (thanks for their Daddy, Granna and Grandaddy- and countless amount of friends) but I caught pneumonia and it kicked my rear.  I'm just NOW recovering from that stuff (and we went the 4th of July).  We've also had SO many fun dates with my nephew and best friend Tricia and her kids.  She's similar to me in the fact that, even though you're scared to sometimes, you need to get out of the house with your kids.  Those adventures can be fun!  My favorite part of summer though has involved church.  I really have enjoyed getting to know the youth there.  Chad and I committed to working with some of the BEST people ever created on Earth to assist with the upcoming 8th grade, but we've also gotten the chance to get to know other youth.  I admire them... really do.  Their desire to know the Lord and serve Him FAR surpass me.  I want to be like THEM when I grow up.  These kids are the ones who'll be leading MY kids in the future.  I am so thankful to be a part of that.  Well, I've got to go, one kid is asking me for a snack and the other is begging to play on an electronic device that I've said no to already... guess it's only fair to get off THIS electronic device... HYPOCRITE.  Sorry, like to yell at myself sometimes because it keeps me from yelling at the kids :)

Where have I been?

Some of my sweetest friends have been asking that question.  Well,  I've been busy.  Being a mommy.  Being a teacher.  Being a wife.  But mostly, being a daughter.. of God.  I've been struggling to keep my focus on God for the past couple of months.  It just tends to happen and I fight it like a cat with a sock on it's head.  The Christmas season, which usually distracts people from God (towards selfishness), has actually helped me focus MORE on Christ and His birth.  I've realized that I have all I'll ever need because He's supplied it.  I have MORE than most people.  I was able to conceive and carry two BEAUTIFUL and healthy children.  So many struggle daily to get pregnant.  I have two parents who loved each other and never split up.  I'm becoming a minority in that fact.  I have a house, and a closet full of clothes, where so many don't have a JACKET.  I have food in my cabinets and when my kids ask me for a snack they have HUNDREDS of options, and so many are starving.
Chad and I went shopping last night and realized that our kids are so blessed.  And so are we.  We can buy them gifts.  This year we went shopping for an angel tree kid.  And I wanted my kids to realize that we are so blessed and should help others.  But I think it taught me more.  That I shouldn't JUST be teaching them to give because we can.  We should give because it's what God asks us to do.  It's what he commands us to do.. if we love him.  My daughter found such joy in us helping an older man get into his car the other night.  She went on and on about how happy and sad it made her feel.
I've watched my daughter perform in a Christmas program (with one more to come) and I can't describe the feeling I get from watching her praise God.  I wonder if this is how God feels when He sees us.  I feel like I'm about to BURST and implode from the inside out to watch her.  I wonder if God tears up when I dance and sing like her.. each Sunday morning.  Prideful tears- in awe that she's mine.
I've watched Tyler lately and I understand that his heart is so Christlike.  He would give away ANYthing I give him, if he thought it would make someone else smile.  He tells me constantly, with his arms wrapped tightly around me, that he loves me.  He means it.  We as mommies get neglected.  I'm sure it's not on purpose.  But I realize now that God tells me how much He loves me through these moments of reflection.
My prayer everyday is that I can be what God wants me to be for each person who enters my life.  My biggest responsibility is with my children.  Pray for me and with me.. and don't worry, I cover all mommies in my prayers too... that we'll be godly and willing examples to God's love.  We're going to stumble.. but we've got each other to hold onto, right?

Let the Juggling Begin

It may be obvious to those closest to me that school has began (for me at least).  My house is a mess (no Jennifer, that's not what it ALWAYS looks like), I can't focus (no.. wait, yep, pretty normal), and I'm only home for an hour a day minus driving times to pick up kids and return home.  I run around the house like a chicken and I talk to myself.  I'd tell you to ask Chad how crazy it is, but he works late, so I'm so sad that I answer myself.  (And I've heard that's when you should worry- but WHO has time to worry?) 
Tomorrow the school year begins for the students and I'm really excited.  My heart has had trouble getting motivated to believe that my summer has ended.  I'm usually the teacher who spends a few whole days at school over the summer getting things ready for Aug, but this year, due to circumstances beyond my control, I didn't get to.  And my heart was like a dead battery (when it comes to school) and it needed some jumper cables.  Well, I got them.  I got them last night at meet the teacher night.  As I'd been praying for this year and the kids that would be given to me, God gave me a total peace before I even met them.  But once I met the kids, I couldn't stop thinking about how great my year could be.  I PRAY my day tomorrow isn't disappointing, because I've set some high standards in my mind, but what if it's PHENOMENAL?  It's got that potential.  Tomorrow is the day I have to be "strict" and "stern" and kinda ... mean... just NOT me.  I'm not allowed to joke tomorrow.  Eh.. it'll be alright. 
Can you tell I'm tired?  Yep, it's time to turn off the lights, crawl into bed with my brown eyed boy and snooze into tomorrow... we shall see if my day turns out as amazing as I want it to be... I don't think I'll be disappointed.  Even if MY day isn't great, I know Haley's will be.. she's an ETERNAL optimist when it comes to school!  Let the juggling begin!

The man who owns my heart

Let me tell you something about my husband.  We've been married 8 years and each year I'm thankful that our path has led us to remain close and to survive the "statistics" that go hand in hand with the word marriage.  But most of all, I'm thankful that we still get along after 6 years of children.  We've actually been together 14 years, and those years have brought about many struggles.  We lost my mom the first year of our relationship.  He could've run from that, because I'm still not the same person I was.  When you lose your best friend, you lose a piece of yourself that never really heals.  God has filled that hole, but I still miss her so much my heart feels it might break apart again.  He stood by me during it, and he tries his best to be sensitive to it now.  We had the typical dating relationship.  You know, you get mad, break up, make up and the cycle would continue.  He broke my heart once.  Really bad.  But I've never doubted my choice to live my life as his wife.  And I'm thankful for that.
Some of us have husbands who are "hands on guys" who jump right in when they walk in the door and play with the kids while we finish up supper or straighten up.  But I haven't actually MET any of those men.  I have met men who pick up the kids from daycare and start supper (my brother) and helps out SO much.  Some men do absolutely nothing.  They take their clothes off and leave them where they land, feed themselves, no thank yous to the ones who fix it, and lay down for the evening.  My husband is not like that.  He comes in, carrying the weight of his work on his shoulders, and he tries.  He tries to let it go and talk with us.  He tries to play a game and sit with them.  He tries not to worry about the next day.  At least he tries. 
Here is something else I'm proud of in my husband.  He's come to almost every function I've had at school.  For example, I'm required to come to some "dances" and programs (even before I had kids) and Chad accompanied me to all of them.  He came to every one of our bridal showers, to every baby shower we were given, and he comes to EVERY function his children have.  He's a good daddy.
The reason I share this, is because last night we bumped heads over an issue with practice for a sport our children are going to play.  I told him that if it was on Wednesday nights, I didn't want them missing church to practice.  He got SO mad about it.  And it hurt me.  (Any of you reading this and are married, know that pain is unfortunately a part of marriage- I've caused it many times myself)  But instead of my husband walking away and ignoring me, he listened to me.  To my heart.  Because I just got quiet and stayed away from him after I spoke my heart.  And for me to get quiet is rare (shut up with the jokes).  But he came to me later and apologized and hugged me SO big and told me how thankful he was for me.  He didn't heal his hurt completely, but it did make me feel better.  I didn't realize how much a difference of point of view in marriage could damage me.  I told him that.  But then I realized some women NEVER hear those words "I'm sorry" and they never find resolve.  I love Chad more now, because he was willing to apologize and see my point of view.  Some women will never have what I have with Chad.  And we are NOT perfect.  We fight over stupid stuff all the time.  And he's typical male in many aspects (like flirting to him is grabbing my tush) but it appears that after 14 years, he's STILL trying to understand me... he's trying!

The Roller Coaster called Life...

This has been an interesting last two weeks for me.  By interesting, I mean, an up and down struggle at times.  I've shared some of the most incredible moments with others, and I've been at very low personal points.  I've struggled with depression in the past, and through prayer, the encouragement of my husband, and careful "carrying" of my beloved friends, I've survived it.  But it is a CONSTANT struggle to not be brought down.
This morning in my devotions, I read about realizing the "right" and the "wrong" in your life.  It encouraged me to remember that God made me the way I was, and the only way I could grow was to realize both of those things about myself.  You have to embrace it all.
This past week I had my first anxiety attack, followed by a stress headache, followed by an incredible massage by my new best friend (and he's a real massage therapist- Todd Shore).  But now that I look back on how terrible I felt, and how alone I let myself feel... my God was there the entire time.  In fact, I gave WAY more time to Him through all that.  Then I went camping and fell in love with some of the most amazing people on the planet.  I look forward to seeing them (just went to church last night and got some great hugs because of that trip)- and I am ALL about some hugs.  I played with my children without the distraction of t.v., cell phone, washing of clothes, or confinement of air conditioning.  I am SO thankful for that.  I flirted with my husband, who actually flirted back (LOVE those moments, know what I'm saying?)  I also put my 17 year old niece back on an airplane to return to her temporary home in Chicago until she finishes out her senior year.  She's been my best friend since she was born, and I thought this was going to unravel all I've worked so hard to keep together.  I had her for 2 WONDERFUL weeks, but when it came time to tell her goodbye, I wanted to keep her in my arms and not let go.  (Chad and I joke that she is our first child)  But as I stood in the shower the day she left and bawled my eyes out, I heard God saying, "It's ok.. you have no regrets with the time you've had these weeks, I've been taking care of her the whole time, just trust me"   So I did.
Now this week I've tried to continue the focus on my kids, seeing as I go back to school to teach next Thursday.  Both of my children are extremely excited about going back to school and seeing their friends, but I'm still on that roller coaster of emotions.  I don't WANT my summer to end (and trust me, every other summer, I've been a little ready to return to work).  These kids have LOVED their summer.  And I've LOVED them. 
Anywho, I just hope that you see through my struggles, that we all struggle.  I never really understood that until I hung around with other women who opened their hearts and daily struggles to me.  I really thought they didn't struggle with things the same way (or depth) that I did.  But many of them struggle more!  That makes me more thankful for my husband, who, when I tell him how my heart feels about our marriage, he listens, and tries to change.  I'm thankful for kids who hugs me daily and tell me how good of a mommy I am.   We even share a secret.. we call the other one over to whisper "I love you".  I'm thankful for friends who write me notes to tell me I'm the salt of the earth and others who just call to check on me.
This life may be a roller coaster, but thankfully, there's always someone right beside me on this ride :)