It may be obvious to those closest to me that school has began (for me at least). My house is a mess (no Jennifer, that's not what it ALWAYS looks like), I can't focus (no.. wait, yep, pretty normal), and I'm only home for an hour a day minus driving times to pick up kids and return home. I run around the house like a chicken and I talk to myself. I'd tell you to ask Chad how crazy it is, but he works late, so I'm so sad that I answer myself. (And I've heard that's when you should worry- but WHO has time to worry?)
Tomorrow the school year begins for the students and I'm really excited. My heart has had trouble getting motivated to believe that my summer has ended. I'm usually the teacher who spends a few whole days at school over the summer getting things ready for Aug, but this year, due to circumstances beyond my control, I didn't get to. And my heart was like a dead battery (when it comes to school) and it needed some jumper cables. Well, I got them. I got them last night at meet the teacher night. As I'd been praying for this year and the kids that would be given to me, God gave me a total peace before I even met them. But once I met the kids, I couldn't stop thinking about how great my year could be. I PRAY my day tomorrow isn't disappointing, because I've set some high standards in my mind, but what if it's PHENOMENAL? It's got that potential. Tomorrow is the day I have to be "strict" and "stern" and kinda ... mean... just NOT me. I'm not allowed to joke tomorrow. Eh.. it'll be alright.
Can you tell I'm tired? Yep, it's time to turn off the lights, crawl into bed with my brown eyed boy and snooze into tomorrow... we shall see if my day turns out as amazing as I want it to be... I don't think I'll be disappointed. Even if MY day isn't great, I know Haley's will be.. she's an ETERNAL optimist when it comes to school! Let the juggling begin!
Blessed Family
Me, Ty, Haley and Chad
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
The man who owns my heart
Let me tell you something about my husband. We've been married 8 years and each year I'm thankful that our path has led us to remain close and to survive the "statistics" that go hand in hand with the word marriage. But most of all, I'm thankful that we still get along after 6 years of children. We've actually been together 14 years, and those years have brought about many struggles. We lost my mom the first year of our relationship. He could've run from that, because I'm still not the same person I was. When you lose your best friend, you lose a piece of yourself that never really heals. God has filled that hole, but I still miss her so much my heart feels it might break apart again. He stood by me during it, and he tries his best to be sensitive to it now. We had the typical dating relationship. You know, you get mad, break up, make up and the cycle would continue. He broke my heart once. Really bad. But I've never doubted my choice to live my life as his wife. And I'm thankful for that.
Some of us have husbands who are "hands on guys" who jump right in when they walk in the door and play with the kids while we finish up supper or straighten up. But I haven't actually MET any of those men. I have met men who pick up the kids from daycare and start supper (my brother) and helps out SO much. Some men do absolutely nothing. They take their clothes off and leave them where they land, feed themselves, no thank yous to the ones who fix it, and lay down for the evening. My husband is not like that. He comes in, carrying the weight of his work on his shoulders, and he tries. He tries to let it go and talk with us. He tries to play a game and sit with them. He tries not to worry about the next day. At least he tries.
Here is something else I'm proud of in my husband. He's come to almost every function I've had at school. For example, I'm required to come to some "dances" and programs (even before I had kids) and Chad accompanied me to all of them. He came to every one of our bridal showers, to every baby shower we were given, and he comes to EVERY function his children have. He's a good daddy.
The reason I share this, is because last night we bumped heads over an issue with practice for a sport our children are going to play. I told him that if it was on Wednesday nights, I didn't want them missing church to practice. He got SO mad about it. And it hurt me. (Any of you reading this and are married, know that pain is unfortunately a part of marriage- I've caused it many times myself) But instead of my husband walking away and ignoring me, he listened to me. To my heart. Because I just got quiet and stayed away from him after I spoke my heart. And for me to get quiet is rare (shut up with the jokes). But he came to me later and apologized and hugged me SO big and told me how thankful he was for me. He didn't heal his hurt completely, but it did make me feel better. I didn't realize how much a difference of point of view in marriage could damage me. I told him that. But then I realized some women NEVER hear those words "I'm sorry" and they never find resolve. I love Chad more now, because he was willing to apologize and see my point of view. Some women will never have what I have with Chad. And we are NOT perfect. We fight over stupid stuff all the time. And he's typical male in many aspects (like flirting to him is grabbing my tush) but it appears that after 14 years, he's STILL trying to understand me... he's trying!
Some of us have husbands who are "hands on guys" who jump right in when they walk in the door and play with the kids while we finish up supper or straighten up. But I haven't actually MET any of those men. I have met men who pick up the kids from daycare and start supper (my brother) and helps out SO much. Some men do absolutely nothing. They take their clothes off and leave them where they land, feed themselves, no thank yous to the ones who fix it, and lay down for the evening. My husband is not like that. He comes in, carrying the weight of his work on his shoulders, and he tries. He tries to let it go and talk with us. He tries to play a game and sit with them. He tries not to worry about the next day. At least he tries.
Here is something else I'm proud of in my husband. He's come to almost every function I've had at school. For example, I'm required to come to some "dances" and programs (even before I had kids) and Chad accompanied me to all of them. He came to every one of our bridal showers, to every baby shower we were given, and he comes to EVERY function his children have. He's a good daddy.
The reason I share this, is because last night we bumped heads over an issue with practice for a sport our children are going to play. I told him that if it was on Wednesday nights, I didn't want them missing church to practice. He got SO mad about it. And it hurt me. (Any of you reading this and are married, know that pain is unfortunately a part of marriage- I've caused it many times myself) But instead of my husband walking away and ignoring me, he listened to me. To my heart. Because I just got quiet and stayed away from him after I spoke my heart. And for me to get quiet is rare (shut up with the jokes). But he came to me later and apologized and hugged me SO big and told me how thankful he was for me. He didn't heal his hurt completely, but it did make me feel better. I didn't realize how much a difference of point of view in marriage could damage me. I told him that. But then I realized some women NEVER hear those words "I'm sorry" and they never find resolve. I love Chad more now, because he was willing to apologize and see my point of view. Some women will never have what I have with Chad. And we are NOT perfect. We fight over stupid stuff all the time. And he's typical male in many aspects (like flirting to him is grabbing my tush) but it appears that after 14 years, he's STILL trying to understand me... he's trying!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
The Roller Coaster called Life...
This has been an interesting last two weeks for me. By interesting, I mean, an up and down struggle at times. I've shared some of the most incredible moments with others, and I've been at very low personal points. I've struggled with depression in the past, and through prayer, the encouragement of my husband, and careful "carrying" of my beloved friends, I've survived it. But it is a CONSTANT struggle to not be brought down.
This morning in my devotions, I read about realizing the "right" and the "wrong" in your life. It encouraged me to remember that God made me the way I was, and the only way I could grow was to realize both of those things about myself. You have to embrace it all.
This past week I had my first anxiety attack, followed by a stress headache, followed by an incredible massage by my new best friend (and he's a real massage therapist- Todd Shore). But now that I look back on how terrible I felt, and how alone I let myself feel... my God was there the entire time. In fact, I gave WAY more time to Him through all that. Then I went camping and fell in love with some of the most amazing people on the planet. I look forward to seeing them (just went to church last night and got some great hugs because of that trip)- and I am ALL about some hugs. I played with my children without the distraction of t.v., cell phone, washing of clothes, or confinement of air conditioning. I am SO thankful for that. I flirted with my husband, who actually flirted back (LOVE those moments, know what I'm saying?) I also put my 17 year old niece back on an airplane to return to her temporary home in Chicago until she finishes out her senior year. She's been my best friend since she was born, and I thought this was going to unravel all I've worked so hard to keep together. I had her for 2 WONDERFUL weeks, but when it came time to tell her goodbye, I wanted to keep her in my arms and not let go. (Chad and I joke that she is our first child) But as I stood in the shower the day she left and bawled my eyes out, I heard God saying, "It's ok.. you have no regrets with the time you've had these weeks, I've been taking care of her the whole time, just trust me" So I did.
Now this week I've tried to continue the focus on my kids, seeing as I go back to school to teach next Thursday. Both of my children are extremely excited about going back to school and seeing their friends, but I'm still on that roller coaster of emotions. I don't WANT my summer to end (and trust me, every other summer, I've been a little ready to return to work). These kids have LOVED their summer. And I've LOVED them.
Anywho, I just hope that you see through my struggles, that we all struggle. I never really understood that until I hung around with other women who opened their hearts and daily struggles to me. I really thought they didn't struggle with things the same way (or depth) that I did. But many of them struggle more! That makes me more thankful for my husband, who, when I tell him how my heart feels about our marriage, he listens, and tries to change. I'm thankful for kids who hugs me daily and tell me how good of a mommy I am. We even share a secret.. we call the other one over to whisper "I love you". I'm thankful for friends who write me notes to tell me I'm the salt of the earth and others who just call to check on me.
This life may be a roller coaster, but thankfully, there's always someone right beside me on this ride :)
This morning in my devotions, I read about realizing the "right" and the "wrong" in your life. It encouraged me to remember that God made me the way I was, and the only way I could grow was to realize both of those things about myself. You have to embrace it all.
This past week I had my first anxiety attack, followed by a stress headache, followed by an incredible massage by my new best friend (and he's a real massage therapist- Todd Shore). But now that I look back on how terrible I felt, and how alone I let myself feel... my God was there the entire time. In fact, I gave WAY more time to Him through all that. Then I went camping and fell in love with some of the most amazing people on the planet. I look forward to seeing them (just went to church last night and got some great hugs because of that trip)- and I am ALL about some hugs. I played with my children without the distraction of t.v., cell phone, washing of clothes, or confinement of air conditioning. I am SO thankful for that. I flirted with my husband, who actually flirted back (LOVE those moments, know what I'm saying?) I also put my 17 year old niece back on an airplane to return to her temporary home in Chicago until she finishes out her senior year. She's been my best friend since she was born, and I thought this was going to unravel all I've worked so hard to keep together. I had her for 2 WONDERFUL weeks, but when it came time to tell her goodbye, I wanted to keep her in my arms and not let go. (Chad and I joke that she is our first child) But as I stood in the shower the day she left and bawled my eyes out, I heard God saying, "It's ok.. you have no regrets with the time you've had these weeks, I've been taking care of her the whole time, just trust me" So I did.
Now this week I've tried to continue the focus on my kids, seeing as I go back to school to teach next Thursday. Both of my children are extremely excited about going back to school and seeing their friends, but I'm still on that roller coaster of emotions. I don't WANT my summer to end (and trust me, every other summer, I've been a little ready to return to work). These kids have LOVED their summer. And I've LOVED them.
Anywho, I just hope that you see through my struggles, that we all struggle. I never really understood that until I hung around with other women who opened their hearts and daily struggles to me. I really thought they didn't struggle with things the same way (or depth) that I did. But many of them struggle more! That makes me more thankful for my husband, who, when I tell him how my heart feels about our marriage, he listens, and tries to change. I'm thankful for kids who hugs me daily and tell me how good of a mommy I am. We even share a secret.. we call the other one over to whisper "I love you". I'm thankful for friends who write me notes to tell me I'm the salt of the earth and others who just call to check on me.
This life may be a roller coaster, but thankfully, there's always someone right beside me on this ride :)
Monday, August 8, 2011
Don't Stand...Don't Stand So Close to Me
A couple of months ago, I went to a friend from my Sunday School class's birthday party. While there, some of us mentioned our enjoyment of camping. That in turn became a camping trip this past weekend. I'm going to be honest. I was really excited about going, but I always get anxiety before stuff like this (if you're confused, read past blog about "fear of commitment") so I worked myself up all week worried about getting stuff ready. Let me tell you, God blessed this past weekend SO much.
I've been going to Richfork for a little over a year now, and Chad and I have many friends that we knew there before we joined. But I've been asking God to surround us with sweet, God fearing people, who struggle just like us, but want to encourage us in life. And, once again, He provided. This weekend I got to know several couples better. I think you can go out to eat with people and that's all fine and dandy, but when you sleep outside, on the ground, with no make-up and semi-clean outdoor plumbing, you just bond in a different way. I let myself trust these people. And I don't regret it. I laughed really hard.. mostly while others laughed at me. I got over a terrible headache that had been there for three days (thanks to my new massage therapist). I sang songs and praised God, even while camping. I ate good food... I mean GOOD food. And I love my new friends... and can't wait until our next outdoor adventure!
I've been going to Richfork for a little over a year now, and Chad and I have many friends that we knew there before we joined. But I've been asking God to surround us with sweet, God fearing people, who struggle just like us, but want to encourage us in life. And, once again, He provided. This weekend I got to know several couples better. I think you can go out to eat with people and that's all fine and dandy, but when you sleep outside, on the ground, with no make-up and semi-clean outdoor plumbing, you just bond in a different way. I let myself trust these people. And I don't regret it. I laughed really hard.. mostly while others laughed at me. I got over a terrible headache that had been there for three days (thanks to my new massage therapist). I sang songs and praised God, even while camping. I ate good food... I mean GOOD food. And I love my new friends... and can't wait until our next outdoor adventure!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Why are you asking ME?
I have many friends, but deserve NONE of them. I'm serious, I am one of the worst friends. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't steal their boyfriends/husbands, I don't curse them or talk about them behind their backs, and I don't leave them at the airport without rides. I'm just forgetful. Like, REALLY bad.
For example, I started this blog and I was excited about it. I was putting it on Facebook and sending it to friends because I had this childlike excitement about my writing. But then what do I do? Forget to write.
Have you ever seen the movie "Up"? In that movie, there's a dog that has a machine hooked to his neck that allows him to talk like a human.. and during his explanation of what the machine does, he sees a squirrel and stops midsentence, focuses his attention on the direction of the squirrel, and then comes back to the conversation. Well, that's ME! I am so forgetful that I'll forget what I'm talking about in the MIDDLE of a sentence. And I have great friends who speak my kind of crazy and pull me back in to conversations. Not only is this blog part of my group of things I forget, let me give you another example.
Yesterday a good friend of mine called that I haven't seen for a while. She asked if my family would like to meet them for supper at Don Juan's tonight at 6pm. I told Chad and was excited about seeing her again since it's been a while. But today, I hung out at my house, put Ty down for a nap, go to the pool and plan on being there ALL evening... until my friend calls to confirm that we're meeting at 6pm. I HAD COMPLETELY FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT. I quickly packed the kids up from the pool and headed for a lovely dinner with them.
So if you want to be my friend, I apologize in advance for all the times I'm going to let you down by not knowing what you're talking about because I don't remember the conversation. I'm sorry for the times you ask me to remind you something later...really? You asked ME to remind you? I'm sorry for forgetting your birthday until 1-2 days past it. I'm sorry for not calling you back when I SWEAR I will. I'm sorry for... SQUIRREL.... wait, what was I saying again?
For example, I started this blog and I was excited about it. I was putting it on Facebook and sending it to friends because I had this childlike excitement about my writing. But then what do I do? Forget to write.
Have you ever seen the movie "Up"? In that movie, there's a dog that has a machine hooked to his neck that allows him to talk like a human.. and during his explanation of what the machine does, he sees a squirrel and stops midsentence, focuses his attention on the direction of the squirrel, and then comes back to the conversation. Well, that's ME! I am so forgetful that I'll forget what I'm talking about in the MIDDLE of a sentence. And I have great friends who speak my kind of crazy and pull me back in to conversations. Not only is this blog part of my group of things I forget, let me give you another example.
Yesterday a good friend of mine called that I haven't seen for a while. She asked if my family would like to meet them for supper at Don Juan's tonight at 6pm. I told Chad and was excited about seeing her again since it's been a while. But today, I hung out at my house, put Ty down for a nap, go to the pool and plan on being there ALL evening... until my friend calls to confirm that we're meeting at 6pm. I HAD COMPLETELY FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT. I quickly packed the kids up from the pool and headed for a lovely dinner with them.
So if you want to be my friend, I apologize in advance for all the times I'm going to let you down by not knowing what you're talking about because I don't remember the conversation. I'm sorry for the times you ask me to remind you something later...really? You asked ME to remind you? I'm sorry for forgetting your birthday until 1-2 days past it. I'm sorry for not calling you back when I SWEAR I will. I'm sorry for... SQUIRREL.... wait, what was I saying again?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)